How to Make More Time for Mimosas and Karaoke

Wanna spend less time WORKing and more time WERKing?

GIRL. Us too.

Honestly the only way to make more time for the actual shit you love doing is to become more efficient with all your boring adult responsibilities.

How dafuq do you pull that off? Girl, you best get organized. Spending just a little bit of time planning your shit out gives you WAY more time to get into all sorts of trouble with your best franz.

And GIRL, if you’re gonna get organized you might as well do it with the most FREAKING ADORABLE planner EVER.

Our BFF Sponsor, 2tarts Bakery is now carrying ban.do agendas!

 

<<<<Mmmkay, we can totally see you drooling. We give you permission to go forth and be fucking adorably organized.>>>>

 

PEACE, LOVE & CAMP!

Treat Yo Desk

*This is a sponsored post that contains sponsor links. But it sure as hell is our own thoughts and opinions.

As I was zoning out on work I desperately needed to do the other day, I noticed my desk was, well…sad. I had a busted coffee mug holding around 5 million pens and pencils (which only 3.5 of them actually work), my deodorant when I got too lazy to put it back where it goes, and three dead roses (I wish I was super cute and goth, but again, I’m just lazy).

It super bummed me out.

I mean, this is where I sit for a long ass period of time every day. I need to fix this. I came up with a 4 step to “Treat Yo Desk.”

1. Throw everything in a box. Like everything. Just sweep it off dramatically like you’re about to have hot kinky sex on that desk. You’re not. But still, it’s way more fun to do it that way.

2. Put something pretty and alive on it. Opt more for a plant or cactus or something. Basically something you won’t murder within 6 seconds of having it. Extra Credit? Put it in a ridiculously cute container. I’ll be grabbing mine from No. 9 Florals – Chocolates – Gifts. I mean, how insanely cute are these cacti?

3. Throw away 90% of what you put in the box. Just semi-carefully go through it. Not full-on painstakingly careful. We don’t have time for that. I mean, who REALLY needs to renew their car registration or pay their taxes? PSSSHHH.

4. Update your background on your computer. Put something you actually give two or three fucks about. Something you’re looking forward to. Something that brings you more joy than that old ass picture of you on vacation that reminds you of the fact you never go on vacation. EHRMAGERD what about a Camp Drunken Arrow background? GIRL. We got you. Snag it HERE!

PEACE, LOVE & CAMP!

 

Camp Drunken Arrow received compensation (in the form of prizes & goody bag swag for campers) in exchange for writing this blog. Although this post is sponsored, all opinions and witty remarks are our own. This post contains sponsor links.

5 GIRL NO’s for Bachelorette Party Season

*This is a sponsored post that contains sponsor links. But it sure as hell is our own thoughts and opinions.

Is “Bachelorette Party Season” a thing?

If it’s not a thing, we’re declaring it a thing.

It seems like everyone we know is either planning a bachelorette party, getting invited to one, or still hungover from one and digging glitter out of their ass crack and ponytail. Trust us, don’t ask.

Well, we LOVE bachelorette parties! I mean, girl we love ALL parties, but a party just for women that just begs you to go TITS OUT crazy? We are all about it. I mean if you think about it, camp is basically a weekend long bachelorette party, but no one has to get married at the end. (insert high fives) If you’re gonna party like a pro at your girl’s big bash, there ARE some things to keep in mind.

Here are our top 5 “GIRL, NO’s” for Bachelorette Party Season.

1. Getting Way Too Wasted. GIRL, NO.

There’s a fine line we’ve all crossed. It’s somewhere between beers/table dancing and body shots/puking in an alley. Let’s get real, table dancing is WAY more fun that vomiting up those food truck truffle fries.

2. Going Home With a Rando. GIRL, NO.

First off, ummm haven’t you watched CSI/Law & Order/American Crime/Every Fucking Show? This is how you get murdered. And a big fat SECOND, you don’t ditch your girls. You ride or die that shit until the next morning. How else would you be able to Snap everyone’s cab ride karaoke?

3. letting the bride pay for stuff. GIRL, NO.

You all are her Sugar Mama for the night, and you better make it rain. I mean, I’m not talking about paying her electric bill, but please don’t let that girl pay for a drink. Take turns grabbing her bill and don’t Venmo request her for SHIT.

4. being a lame ass. GIRL, NO.

If you aren’t MAKING the party and are just LOOKING for one, you’re doing it wrong. As cheesy as it sounds, fun is seriously what you make it. So, ummm, MAKE IT.

5. having zero party goodies. GIRL, NO.

Listen, we get it. We read all the same articles you do. “Don’t do penis straws.” “Don’t do tiaras or sashes.” “Keep it classy.” BLAH, BLAH, BLAH. I’m sorry but I’ve never heard one woman bitch about a penis straw after a few drinks. If she’s shy or worries about what others think too much, wait a couple hours to bust out the goodies. They’re just FUN, and RIDICULOUS, and I’m sorry, I’m not a Princess girl, but I feel fabulous AF in a tiara.

Our BFF Sponsors over at Love Shack Boutique have ALL the goodies you need. Be a good bride-bestie. Congratulate, don’t hate. Do more GIRL YAS and less GIRL NO.

The Love Shack Boutique is a female owned and LOCALLY operated erotic boutique and is a premier intimacy enhancing retailer committed to offering unique, enriching and exclusive merchandise to our guests. We encourage exploration of sexual health, pleasure, wellness and are strong advocates on improving your quality of life. At The Love Shack Boutique you will have the confidence to shop in a safe and comfortable environment. Read more…

Camp Drunken Arrow received compensation (in the form of prizes & goody bag swag for campers) in exchange for writing this blog. Although this post is sponsored, all opinions and witty remarks are our own. This post contains sponsor links.

3 Insta Accounts You Need To Be Stalking…Like Yesterday

If mindlessly scrolling through Insta was an Olympic sport, we would be the Simone Biles of it all. Give us all the trophies, because we LOVE looking at fun, pretty, adorable, funny things. Here are a few of our BFF sponsors that we can’t make it through a day without stalking…

@2tartsbakery

for all that is pretty & yummy & in my belly

Summer vibes. 🍍🍉🦈 #decoratedcookies #summervibes

A post shared by 2tarts Bakery (@2tartsbakery) on

@birdandpear

for everything i want to blow all my cash on. serape house ftw.

@starsandgartersburlesquesa

for behind the scenes debauchery & body loving besties.

Mother’s Day Shopping Guide for Camper Mamas

*This is a sponsored post that contains sponsor links.

Well Meaning Partner: “Honey, what can we get you for Mother’s Day? Please don’t say the undying love and appreciation of your family and a really long nap. You say that every year.”

Mom: “Oh, are you not picking up on the fact that there’s a trend? That’s literally what I want. Why even ask what I want?”

Well Meaning But Growing Frustrated Partner: “We want to buy you something. The kids want to buy you something. Anything. Come on help me out.”

It’s cool. We get it. You don’t want them to ASK what YOU want for Mother’s Day. First of all, you really just want a MF nap! While you’re napping if some extra hands can pitch in on your portion of the housework, that would be pretty bomb too. I mean it’s pretty fucking simple isn’t it? Well listen, as much as you want that, your herd of people really wants to disguise something in some crappy floral wrapping paper and watch you open it, while simultaneously judging your reaction to see if you truly do love them as much as you say you do.

We’re here to help.

We made you this handy dandy list that you can just hand over to your fart in front of each other squad to make it easy for them to get you something tangible for Mother’s Day. As much as you want to, please don’t also say “Here, are you happy now?” while passing it along. Not worth it. We tried.

1. Alcohol

Beer, wine, vodka, ethanol..by now they know your poison. It should be highly understood that you’re NOT sharing. Personally, I want an entire growler of beer to myself. See no sharing comment if you’re confused on whether I will drink it all. Fill it to the brim with 512 Brewing’s SMaSH IPA and you’ll have the happiest, long nappiest Mom in the world.

2. VACAY TIME

I don’t know how you’re gonna break this to them, because you totally mean…like, by yourself. Solo. Party of one. Lone Ranger. They’ll be shocked. Can’t you hear it now? “What will you do? Won’t you get bored? You don’t want us there?” Shhhhh. Just pull them close, hold them, and whisper in their tiny crusty ear holes: “It’s not me, it’s you.” Now please book me a weekend at Texas Bell Glamping and send me on my way, k? Or even a motel room near by. Honestly, just let me lock the bedroom door for like 2 hours, cool?

3. GIFT CARDS

So the last time you trusted them to shop for you, you were gifted with Croc’s and a Buccees shirt that was 3 sizes too big. Actually it was your husband’s size. Actually your husband just bought himself a fucking shirt. Happy Mother’s Day wife…here’s a shirt I bought for myself. Girl, they need to just get you a gift card. It can basically be to anywhere. We all give zero fucks about the store we’re shopping at, we’ve bought some really cute sandals at a grocery store before. That takes talent. You just need somewhere that you can be lost for hours, by yourself, not bothered, sipping on the humongous coffee you got for yourself, and possibly taking short breaks to pee un-bothered. You didn’t even have to pee, it was just too good to pass it up.

PS. We totally lied about caring where we shop. Please give us a gift card to No. 9. They have chocolate. I could literally eat chocolate while I’m shopping. This changes everything.

Happy Mother’s Day Campers. We got you.

If You Don’t Have a Chicken As a Bestie, What Are You Doing With Your Life?

*This is a sponsored post that contains sponsor links.

There’s a reason why we call our sponsors “BFFs.” We believe that introducing our campers to businesses with the same life vibe, code of non-douchery and all out out badass-ness is not just our job…it’s like a mission from the universe.

One of our BFFs is Amy Bierstedt of From Scratch Farm. Hailing from Boerne, Texas, From Scratch Farm is a little nugget of pure awesome, wrapped in the uber-lovable arms of Amy herself. Listen, we could go on and on about how much we have a girl crush on Amy, but we have much more important things to talk about.

Her chicken.

Miss Piggy.

Miss Piggy is a Buff Orpington that hatched into Amy’s life this past August. She arrived in Amy’s mail with her “siblings” a day later. GAH, don’t you wish it was that real life easy to pop out a real human?

Miss Piggy and her sibs all began laying eggs at the standard 5-month point. Fun fact: Miss Piggy lays pinkish-brown eggs…even her eggs are freaking adorable. She’s one of the best breeds for families with kids and she’s a great layer.

Ehem, Miss Piggy and I obviously have at least one thing in common. Great layer? Get it? No? K.

Miss Piggy also just won the Best of Breed title at the Chicken Fun Show… and got 3rd Place out of all the chickens at the show! SLAY CHICKEN SLAY!

From Scratch Farm’s eggs also won Grand Champion at the show. Amy tells us it was all “thanks to organic feed, scrap fruits and veggies, mealworms, bugs, grass, lots of free-ranging, and lots of love.” So freaking sweet.

This is Amy’s favorite picture of Miss Piggy. Also featured in this 90’s album art-centric photo are Rowlf, Gonzo, and Kermi!

 

PEACE, LOVE & CAMP!

Check out From Scratch Farm on their website, Facebook,  & Instagram.

Camp Drunken Arrow received compensation (in the form of prizes & goody bag swag for campers) in exchange for writing this blog. Although this post is sponsored, all opinions and witty remarks are our own. This post contains sponsor links.

The Art of Throwing Shade: An Easy 5 Step Plan

*This is a sponsored post that contains sponsor links.

When Merriam-Webster is defining what it is to “throw shade,” you KNOW you better brush up on your skills.

US slang:  to express contempt or disrespect for someone publicly especially by subtle or indirect insults or criticisms.”

We’ve all witnessed it. Someone says something that’s either not true, trash talk, hypocritical or just plain hateful and within seconds you’ve got a girl with the skills giving them a heavy dose of shade. Whether it’s the side-eye, the eye roll, the get up and leave, or the passive aggressive punch…shade has been thrown.

Warning: Shade should ONLY be thrown at those that deserve it. If you throw shade too often, and to too many people…well, then it’s just excessive, and you might just be mean.

If I know you ladies well enough, you’ve got one of three reactions already:

  1. GIRL I am the master of shade. I keep shade on me at all times ready to hand out to those in serious need of it. I do NOT need steps.  (I feel you girl. Just keep reading. You’ll just be confirmed of your expert status – and we ALL know you LOVE that. < ehem, shade.)
  2. GIRL. I am so glad you wrote this. I feel like there is an inner shade queen inside of me and I just need help getting her out. (I got you boo.)
  3. GIRL. I am so lost already. I thought shade came from a tree. Why would I wanna throw a tree at someone? I can’t physically throw anything heavier than a 2 year old. Wait, I would never throw a 2 year old. OMG my brain hurts. (Sweet girl don’t worry. First grab some wine or a chill pill cause it sounds like your brain needs a temporary vacay. Okay, now just take a deep breath and read on. I promise, it’s easier than you think.)

5 Steps of Throwing Shade

  1. Find someone worthy of your shade. Don’t worry, they’re not hard to find. They are EVERYWHERE. The person in the group on girls night that’s trying to talk ish about the one girl that’s not there. The Mom that’s talking way too loud at your son’s baseball game about how amazing of a mother she is and how she just doesn’t understand how any mother could let her child eat anything from that ratchet concession stand – as your junior scarfs down a monster hot dog and bag of Doritos right in front of her. Or maybe it’s your friend that never returns your text messages – girl, you better turn off those read receipts. 
  2. Question whether that just happened. This is a very critical, but often over looked, step. You can do this silently to yourself or even with a quick remark to a friend: “Did that just happen?” “Did she just say that?” A silent questioning of what just happened is often made more powerful with a furrowed brow, eye flutter, and a slight head tilt. Just slight though, save the good stuff for the latter steps.        
  3. Get someone’s attention. A quick glance of disapproval towards someone equally as appalled serves two purposes. First, it puts that person on alert that you’re about to throw shade. I mean, is throwing shade really that fun without a witness? You need your talents to be visible and appreciated. Second, it affirms your NEED to throw shade. You’ll get that glance of mutual  disapproval, and the boost of confidence you need to lay it down.   
  4. Get your body on board. The best thrown shade is a full body experience. The most common and effective ways to use your body as a shade tool are: a raised finger, an outstretched palm, side-eye, eye roll, eye flutter, eyebrow raise, hair flip, pursed lip, neck roll, stiff neck OR a whole body experience of just removing yourself from that situation while giving a simple, yet effective stare down. This is commonly known as the “Girl, Bye” effect.                         
  5. Bask in your glory. GIRL, you did it. You pounced on that opportunity and threw shade like a seasoned pro. If you’re lucky maybe someone got it on video.Don’t worry though, if not, you can just play it over and over in your head and smile.  

*extra credit

Want to really up your shade game? Accessorize. You can snag one of these Shade fans at our BFF Sponsor’s shop No. 9 – Floral & Gifts. With this fan there will be no hair flip, eye flutter, or neck roll needed…just shade. Just simple, straight to the point SHADE.