Was anyone else a magazine junkie like me when you were a teen? I LOVED mags like Seventeen, Teen Vogue, Cosmo Girl…you know, the super informative high brow shit.
I was all about the horoscopes, fashion spreads, embarrassing stories and THE QUIZZES. I have no clue why I thought those things were true, but I held on to every damn word. Pretty sure I even convinced myself one time to start a band because I liked chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream and beach vacations. What the?
Well we’ve gotten older, but we still haven’t given up on dumb shit like that. So here it is…what does your beer choice say about your personality? Here’s the 411 on your 512 brews…
IPA: 7% ABV
“Smooth bitterness with with medium maltiness”
You’re super trendy. You’re totally hip. You’re with it WOMAN. You follow all your fave fashion girls on Instagram and directly purchase your outfits from their posts. Who the hell has time to go shopping? And besides, if it looks good on them, it’ll sure as hell look good on you.
Double IPA: 9% ABV
“Solid malt backbone with smooth bitterness”
Trends? You don’t need no stinking trends. You set them. Flare jeans making a comeback? You’ve been wearing them since 99’. Spinners? Have you seen me twirl my pen in my fingers? Been there, done that. You’re hardly amused. You just don’t do “basic bitch”…like, at all.
WIT: 5.1% ABV
“Light, crisp ale, well suited for any occasion”
Happy hour? I’m there. Sunday Funday? Count me in. You’re the girl everyone calls to have a good time. Not the phone number in the bathroom good time…well, unless you’re into that stuff. No judgment here! You do you boo.
Smash 5.3% ABV
“Very little, if any, malt sweetness and bright fruity hops”
You’re the girl next door. You’re sweet as freaking pie. You’re the friend that everyone wished they could have, but they can’t because people suck and don’t deserve you. Duh.
Pecan Porter: 6.8% ABV
“Full body and malty sweetness balanced with subtle pecan aroma”
Black and sweet, just like your soul. On the outside there’s almost always a rough exterior. Resting bitch face spreads from ear to ear, but on the inside there’s a sweet spot full of yummy goodness. (only your best besties get to see)
Which beer are you??
Peace, Love & Camp!