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When Merriam-Webster is defining what it is to “throw shade,” you KNOW you better brush up on your skills.
“US slang: to express contempt or disrespect for someone publicly especially by subtle or indirect insults or criticisms.”
We’ve all witnessed it. Someone says something that’s either not true, trash talk, hypocritical or just plain hateful and within seconds you’ve got a girl with the skills giving them a heavy dose of shade. Whether it’s the side-eye, the eye roll, the get up and leave, or the passive aggressive punch…shade has been thrown.
Warning: Shade should ONLY be thrown at those that deserve it. If you throw shade too often, and to too many people…well, then it’s just excessive, and you might just be mean.
If I know you ladies well enough, you’ve got one of three reactions already:
- GIRL I am the master of shade. I keep shade on me at all times ready to hand out to those in serious need of it. I do NOT need steps. (I feel you girl. Just keep reading. You’ll just be confirmed of your expert status – and we ALL know you LOVE that. < ehem, shade.)
- GIRL. I am so glad you wrote this. I feel like there is an inner shade queen inside of me and I just need help getting her out. (I got you boo.)
- GIRL. I am so lost already. I thought shade came from a tree. Why would I wanna throw a tree at someone? I can’t physically throw anything heavier than a 2 year old. Wait, I would never throw a 2 year old. OMG my brain hurts. (Sweet girl don’t worry. First grab some wine or a chill pill cause it sounds like your brain needs a temporary vacay. Okay, now just take a deep breath and read on. I promise, it’s easier than you think.)
5 Steps of Throwing Shade
- Find someone worthy of your shade. Don’t worry, they’re not hard to find. They are EVERYWHERE. The person in the group on girls night that’s trying to talk ish about the one girl that’s not there. The Mom that’s talking way too loud at your son’s baseball game about how amazing of a mother she is and how she just doesn’t understand how any mother could let her child eat anything from that ratchet concession stand – as your junior scarfs down a monster hot dog and bag of Doritos right in front of her. Or maybe it’s your friend that never returns your text messages – girl, you better turn off those read receipts.
- Question whether that just happened. This is a very critical, but often over looked, step. You can do this silently to yourself or even with a quick remark to a friend: “Did that just happen?” “Did she just say that?” A silent questioning of what just happened is often made more powerful with a furrowed brow, eye flutter, and a slight head tilt. Just slight though, save the good stuff for the latter steps.
- Get someone’s attention. A quick glance of disapproval towards someone equally as appalled serves two purposes. First, it puts that person on alert that you’re about to throw shade. I mean, is throwing shade really that fun without a witness? You need your talents to be visible and appreciated. Second, it affirms your NEED to throw shade. You’ll get that glance of mutual disapproval, and the boost of confidence you need to lay it down.
- Get your body on board. The best thrown shade is a full body experience. The most common and effective ways to use your body as a shade tool are: a raised finger, an outstretched palm, side-eye, eye roll, eye flutter, eyebrow raise, hair flip, pursed lip, neck roll, stiff neck OR a whole body experience of just removing yourself from that situation while giving a simple, yet effective stare down. This is commonly known as the “Girl, Bye” effect.
- Bask in your glory. GIRL, you did it. You pounced on that opportunity and threw shade like a seasoned pro. If you’re lucky maybe someone got it on video.Don’t worry though, if not, you can just play it over and over in your head and smile.
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