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Once a year, down in San Antonio, things get…well, cray. Fiesta is this huge two week party that celebrates the culture, heritage and all around puro-vibe of this huge small town. There’s like a bajillion events to go to, so odds are if you’re reading this you’ve either participated in one, been to one, or have plans to hit one up soon.
Well BE WARNED.
We have been told by super important-intelligent people that this year may be our highest breakout of FBBS yet. The preliminary numbers don’t look good at all. Wait, so what’s FBBS? Glad you asked.
Fiesta Basic B*tch Syndrome.
Someone who has come down with FBBS may engage in behavior such as:
- Buying a shirt solely because it says “Margarita,” “Ole’,” or “Queso”
- Saying that you LOVE Selena but all you really know about her is that she looks like J-Lo and makes fab lipstick
- Hearing that everyone wears flower crowns to fiesta – so you just wear the one you made for your sorority’s Coachella themed party instead of buying one from a Fiesta street vendor
- Drinking Bud Light at Taste of the Northside because you feel like it’s “the drink of the common people”
- Having a Fiesta themed after party at your luxury apartment with all the decor you snagged from Party City. You made sure to get enough sombreros, fake mustaches, and maracas for everyone.
- Going to NIOSA and complaining that it’s crowded.
- Asking if your Mangonada is gluten free.
I know, this is a lot to take in and possibly some self-realization right now.
Okay, so what can you do to avoid this?
- Don’t fake it. Trying to act like you’re kind of Latina because you like tacos is ridiculous.
- Support local artists and makers. Drop the chain shops and put your money where your Fiesta is.
- Be yourself. GIRL, it’s way okay that you don’t like Barbacoa & Big Red. Own that sh*t. Just don’t get butt hurt when you get made fun of for requesting enchiladas with flour tortillas.
- Listen and appreciate. Don’t know jack about the real culture and history of San Antonio? Listen to someone who does and then be proud of this bomb ass city you get to party in.
- Calm the F down and just Fiesta. No explanation needed.
- SHOP AT BIRD AND PEAR!
SRSLY, shopping at Bird & Pear isn’t the CURE to FBBS, but it’s just one of the treatment options that Basic B’s all over South Texas are using and seeing great results with. Begin implementing this treatment option today by bringing these ridiculously adorable products into your soon-to-be, not-so-basic life. Baby steps. I promise we’ll have you buying Lucas & Chamoy soon.
MEXICAN SERAPE CLUTCH PURSE
Obviously you’re gonna need something to hold your Fiesta essentials: I.D., cash, the ugly medals you’re going to try to trade, and your phone that you SWEAR you’re not going to crack, lose, or get drunk and drop in your corn in a cup this year.
EMBROIDERED MEXICAN DRESS COSIE
Be careful. You take the chance of your beer dressing cuter than you did. Still worth it.
Mexican Serape Blanket Cuff Bracelet
Is wearing your “blanket on your wrist” the same as “wearing your heart on your sleeve?” Is it like telling everyone how much you truly love sleeping? No? It should be.
Mexican Dress Makeup Bag
Admit it, you’re the owner of the most basic B of makeup mags…the Vera Bradley makeup bag. You probably got it from someone when you were their brideslave or something equally as daunting. TOSS IT. This Mexican Dress makeup bag is your first step towards progress. OMG AND PLEASE DON’T PUT YOUR MONOGRAM ON IT.
Mexican Serape Pillow
This year I’m just planning on taking a pillow with me to all Fiesta events. It’s going to make my disco naps SO much easier.